In the case of Habitually Hopeful, absence has not necessarily made the heart grow fonder, but it certainly has grown guiltier. I can’t tell you how many times my heart sank in the last couple months. I was constantly mulling over all of my ideas in passing, but had no real time to give to the blog.
In my last post I wrote about how I was doing my part to support my significant other as he made a difficult but important transition. In addition, I took on most of the planning for our cross country move from Detroit to Seattle. I also officially started my own business as a writer and editor. After adding that to the normal obligations of everyday life and the pressure I felt to say goodbye to as many people as possible, I made a conscious decision to put down my blog for a little while. Instead of being weighed down by that guilt, I gave myself the freedom to do what was best for me at the time.
I’d like to say that I hadled the stress with absolute grace, but let’s be real. The process of tackling all these transitions at once brought out the best and the worst of me. I was simultaneously enslaved and saved by my compulstive list making. I was heartbroken but empowered by all the things were able to sell and give away. I overanalyzed how every penny and minute was spent. I had a breakdown when my car wasn’t selling, then had another when it did. If you’ve read “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown, I can sum it up by saying that every step towards our goal came with the overwhelming feeling of scarcity. There was never enough of anything, and nothing was ever enough.
Even though we had been planning to make this dream a reality for well over a year, I could hear that little voice in my head fantasizing about how much easier it would be to just save my time and money by staying in Michigan. The only time I could recall having so much stress was working on my senior thesis in undergrad. It was a very raw time.
Five years later, I noticed two major differences that allowed me to keep pushing through the doubt, the scarcity, and the fear. This time around I had awareness on my side, and because I was aware, I could communicate my way through the setbacks.
Luckily, the process of moving wen’t along without trouble for the most part. In the flash of a moment, we were in our new apartment starting a new life! The funniest part may be that I was expecting to be transformed somehow when I got here, as if breathing in Seattle air would bring my life to some new height. The reality is that things already feel normal.
Don’t mistake that for me saying that it makes no difference, because there are huge differences that I am so grateful for, but life goes on.
Part of my plans for life going on as usual includes updating Habitually Hopeful more often. So, I’d like to thank you for your patience, comments and shares in my absence. I’m so excited to share more thoughts and lessons with you along the upward spiral.