Almost on a daily basis, I beat myself up for not writing in this blog. Trust me, it’s not for a lack of ideas, a lack of motivation, or for any of the million other excuses that people use to convince themselves not to do something.
While I’d like to be updating here twice a week, life isn’t exactly ideal right now. Normally, I post about how I’m trying to carefully curate my life and relationships, but I suppose I am applying some of that essentialism to my projects – and Habitually Hopeful is sadly not making the short list at the moment.
So what am I doing? Basically, I’m being a devoted cheerleader for my significant other as he goes about a task that most anyone could agree is voluntary torture: finding a job out of state. While he puts in the necessary hours hunting for the right job in our dream city, I am playing the role of cheerleader and domestic engineer most evenings. Instead of sewing a fabulous dress, I’m tending to a sink overflowing with dirty dishes on a seemingly endless cycle; instead of racing to the keyboard with inspiration, I’m tearing up over a cutting board of diced onions – why do onions have to be so delicious and cruel? And why do all my delicious recipes have so many onions?
It’s difficult to keep things running for two with the hands of one, but I find relief knowing that the sacrifice of my usual activities is relieving a lot of stress on Brian, who is already up against one of the most stressful, confidence-shaking pursuits of adulthood.
I am still managing to squeeze in some things I’m proud of, like the use of a healthy meal planning service and a pretty massive purge of our possessions, and I hope to give these developments the proper attention soon.
In the meantime, the lesson I’m learning is that you can’t win at everything.
The perfectionist in me is constantly dissatisfied, and it’s a real nuisance, but I am choosing the battles I can win instead of constantly setting myself up for failure or dropping the ball when my partner needs support most. It’s difficult to let myself off the hook for things I would much rather do, but that’s the challenge at hand.
There are a very limited number of things a person can do to help with something as personal as a job hunt, so in my own way, the endless cycle of chores are my investment toward our collective dreams. So, in whatever absence I must take, I would love to remind you (and me) of this:
Everything can’t matter all the time. Whatever you can manage is enough.